Our first holiday as a blended family.

For our first holiday together, we decided to take all the children to Center Parcs. We were still living in separate homes and in the build-up to the trip, it felt like we were just two families who were going on holiday together. I didn't realise it at the time, but this was the moment when we started to make our own memories together as a family.

Sam is extremely organised; I, however, am very last minute. I know that these dynamics exist in lots of relationships but, at this point in time, Sam and I had not been together very long and we were still learning about each other and each other's children.

We agreed to drive to Center Parcs in convoy and, wanting to make the most of the facilities, decided to aim for a 10am arrival which meant leaving at 9am. Sam pulled up outside my house at 8.59 car packed, Lottie’s bike loaded into the boot and with snacks for the journey sitting on the front seat. As the door opened, George and Henry ran past still in their pyjamas as I frantically stuffed clothes into a suitcase with a broken zip! I remember the look of horror on his face as he realised we weren’t even close to being ready and his planned 10am arrival disappeared into thin air. Even today Sam will say that this was the moment he realised how fluid I can be when it comes to timekeeping.

In nuclear families they have their own dynamics and routines when it comes to going on holiday. It’s a rhythm that naturally evolves: who packs the clothes? Who loads the car? Who entertains the children whilst the bikes get loaded on? Who makes sure the car is refuelled? But when you’re a single parent, you do it all yourself. And this means you do it in your own time frame! As time has passed, our blended family has navigated its own routine, but back then Sam and I approached prepping for holidays very differently!

We travelled in our own cars with what we perceived at the time as our own children. Having two cars reinforces that the family is not yet blended. It was like travelling on holiday with a friend where you agree to travel in convoy and stop at pre-determined service stations for a coffee break! This was a very bizarre experience when you are trying to create and build a new family. We hadn’t considered the importance of all travelling together and how much more connected we would feel as one family in one car. So, after the holiday, Sam decided to sell his car and bought a seven-seater. This made the world of difference; we suddenly felt that we were one family.

In a blended family you think about things that other families don’t even consider. I remember at Center Parcs being so worried about the children seeing us in the same bedroom and what emotions that might bring up. In all honestly the children didn't even notice. In the early stages of our relationship, I would put so much pressure on myself to ensure that we did things in the right way for the children. I didn’t want anyone to be upset, confused or conflicted about how they felt seeing their parent with someone else. But in reality, I over thought things way too much. The children didn’t even notice. So, what’s my point? Live in the moment and if issues arise tackle them as and when they do. You can’t predict how a child is going to feel at any given moment because they don’t see situations through the lens of an adult.

One particular memory that stands out from that holiday was of George and Henry getting all the cushions off the sofas in the lodge as they made a den. Lottie and Rupert's faces lit up and they joined in... before you knew it towels were being used to make the roof of the den. It was pure chaos, and I loved it. In that moment I knew that our little family was made for each other. George and Henry were extroverts whilst Lottie and Rupert were much more reserved. Our experiences shape us no matter our age. All our children had suffered a loss and significant change, which naturally impacted on their behaviour. By the end of the holiday there were four very loud, excited children that brought out the best in each other and who felt comfortable being their authentic selves. We all needed to laugh again and be happy and this was the start.

We had an amazing time on that holiday, but it definitely brought up some unforeseen moments and made me realise how much we take traditional family dynamics for granted! I remember standing in the playground at Center Parcs and a couple started talking to me as they had children of a similar age. Sam later joined the conversation, and the man referred to me as Sam’s wife. I remember being stunned and not really knowing how I felt. I had not been referred to as someone's wife for a long time and Sam and I were still getting to know one another. I also didn't know how Sam felt about this. An innocuous comment from an unsuspecting stranger brought up so many emotions from a relationship perspective but also from a blended family perspective. People just assumed we were one big family. In some ways his comment should be seen as a ringing endorsement of how comfortable the six of us must have been together. But being in a blended family certainly makes you more attuned to different family dynamics.

In the beginning blending two families can be quite challenging. You’re expected to form familial bonds and connect with children you haven't yet got to know. You are navigating new territory. For us that first holiday gave us the opportunity to begin to make memories as a family. By going away to a neutral territory rather than play dates at each other’s’ houses, we allowed our family to forge bonds, make deeper connections and fall in love. That holiday helped make us who we are.