Moving In Together

Deciding to move in together when you’re in a blended family can feel like a huge step. There is no guidebook and no way of knowing when the right time is! For Sam and I it just happened organically. Sam and the children would spend more and more time at my house, even when I didn’t have the boys with me. Lottie and Rupert saw it as an adventure; they loved sleeping over as they would have lots of new toys to play with and of course two other children to keep them entertained. I was always coming up with little games and creative ideas to keep us all connected. If there was a way of making a mundane task seem fun, I’d find it. I just wanted everyone to feel comfortable.

But doubling the size of your family overnight comes with its challenges – especially when trying to fit six people into a house that was used to just the three of us. When Sam and I met, we both had our own houses, and all four children had their own bedroom in their respective homes. But as we began to spend more time in one house, this presented some issues! On the weekends when George and Henry were at their bio dad’s, Lottie and Rupert would sleep in their bedrooms at my house. However, on the weekends that the boys were at home, Lottie and Rupert would be on an airbed in the lounge. As you can imagine, this wasn’t ideal for so many reasons! Sam and I realised that this couldn't continue and that all four children needed their own beds in my house. Luckily this was around Christmas time and so, on the day before Christmas Eve, Eddie the Christmas Elf (on the shelf) brought two sets of bunkbeds! He left a note saying, ‘I know how much you like sleepovers, so I thought you might like your own bed to sleep in’. I wish I could have bottled that moment. The delight on the children’s faces and squeals of excitement they made was infectious. Everything was wrapped up in the magic of Christmas. After all, we were only having occasional sleepovers at weekends. Or so we thought…

At first it was all very exciting for all our children. I know that this isn't the case for all blended families, but for us the children were so young, and they loved the adventure of it all. But in the February, we decided to make the move permanent and this is when things changed.

We spoke to the children about sharing rooms and helped them choose decorations. It was important to us that each child had somewhere that felt personal, even if they were sharing. George struggled to adjust to losing his bedroom and having to share with his much younger brother. Lottie also struggled as she missed her desk, which we moved into storage as there wasn't enough room in her new bedroom. This was difficult for me and Sam as we felt guilty about the compromises George and Lottie had made. Rupert and Henry adjusted much more readily - I don't think Sam and I did anything differently with the younger two, I think it was simply because they were so young that they adapted more easily.

I know that if our children were in their teens when Sam and I met and moved in, then our set-up and blending process would have looked completely different. Every blended family works differently and there is no set path to follow. You have to find what works for your family.

Looking back, I completely underestimated how difficult moving another family into my family home would be. There were so many factors at play. Sam and I learnt how to adapt to each other and the children's schedules. Suddenly we had four children between us to love, raise, and protect – each with their own needs, personalities, and emotions. I also had a partner to think about. Sam and I both had high pressured jobs, we were both very ambitious and driven when it came to our careers. Now we had two different nursery drop offs, and two separate primary schools to contend with. The logistics of school runs, after school clubs, weekend activities, bedtime routines and co-parenting schedules was a lot.

The house was also full of so much stuff! My house had always been my safe haven. I loved my townhouse more than anything. To me it wasn't just a home, it was where I got married, pregnant, brought two new-borns home, divorced, learned to be a single parent, and how to navigate life again. My house was the one thing I wanted to keep when going through my divorce. I wanted consistency for my boys. Suddenly all that was changing and, at times, it felt overwhelming.

But life is an adventure; it would be boring if we stood still! Now my house was full of furniture I didn't buy, lots more toys, clothing, even kitchen utensils – Sam loves cooking whereas I was a microwave girl – but it felt right! We began to make small changes: buying a new bed, bedding, blankets – the little things that made it feel more like our home instead of my home.

Moving in together was a huge step. My house didn’t feel the same for me or the boys. Sam, Lottie and Rupert lost all their home comforts so there were lots of changes and compromises for all of us. But it was one of the most important steps in becoming a family. We didn’t just move in together we blended lives, routines, memories. We all gave up a little something to build something bigger.  More chaotic, yes, but also more laughter, and the kind of moments that you can’t script, only live.

There were highs and lows, but what we’ve created together even with all the mess, it’s real and it’s ours.