In the beginning...

To understand where my blended journey began, I need to take you back to a time before Sam, four children, and two crazy dogs. A time where life looked, and felt, very different!

Deciding to leave someone you have spent most of your life with is not an easy task. I worried about losing my home. The house we shared wasn't just a house, it was the first home I’d ever bought, the place where I’d got engaged, the home I’d planned our wedding in, the place I’d found out I was pregnant, and the only home my sons had ever known. I didn’t want the children to leave their home when everything else would change. But it wasn’t just the emotional side of things, it was also the practical implications too. I didn’t know if I could afford the mortgage on my own, or even how to go about changing the deeds! I loved the location of the house, and my neighbours weren’t just my neighbours, they were my friends. All these things were playing on my mind. But the hardest part, and the reason I stayed longer than I should have done, was the thought of not putting my children to bed every night and waking them up every day. You can't imagine what that feels like until you are in it!

During the first few months of being a single mum – a term I hate and one that is unfairly stigmatised – I would occupy my time by seeing friends and family. They were great at making sure that my diary was full of coffee dates, cocktails, and exercise classes. I got back into running and was probably the fittest I’d been since my early 20s. But although I was constantly surrounded by people, I felt very alone. I was used to a busy home with lots of noise and people but, on the days I didn't have the boys, I would come home to a deathly silence. It has got easier, but I still struggle on the days I don't have the boys and so do the rest of my family. My family isn't complete when we all are not together; it's like a massive hole has been left. All six of us together is our favourite place to be.

I had no intention of meeting anyone romantically; I felt content with my life. I resigned myself to the fact that I was a single mum with two young children. I was financially secure, and had a successful career. The thought of meeting anyone and going on dates honestly filled me with dread. Little did I know then, that life was going to change significantly, and my blended journey was about to begin.

I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason and that our past experiences shape who we are today. This was never truer than a balmy summer evening back in 2022. I remember sitting in my friend’s garden explaining to her and her husband how happy I was alone - on reflection, I wasn’t happy at all, just content which, as we all know, is something entirely different – but they weren’t buying it. Some friends just see straight through you and these two always do. Several mojitos later and I had been convinced to join the world of online dating. This was way outside of my comfort zone; I was one of those people that judged things like this! You have to remember that I met my first husband when I was at school. My friend’s husband told me I needed to think about this as just making a new friend and nothing more. Whether it was his wise words, the warm weather, or the cocktails coursing through me, I can’t say, but that was the boost I needed. They set up my dating profile and even picked the pictures off my phone. Five minutes later I was live on Hinge.

I had been on the site for a week when one morning I was asked to connect with someone called Sam. I remember thinking he had a kind face, and he had two children who were similar ages to mine. He too must understand the world of playdates, soft plays and all the chaos of young children. In his profile he said he was a widower. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, I wasn't expecting to meet anyone, I clicked connect expecting to exchange a few messages and nothing more. How naïve was I?

We started talking and since that first message we haven't stopped. After a couple of weeks, Sam invited me for a drink in a local pub and from the moment we met it felt like we’d known each other our whole lives. We just clicked. We laughed and talked until it was closing time. And the rest, as they say, is history…